Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Apparently you make a good broom.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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