We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
