Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
