Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
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