how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
