I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
