What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Too much gin, very little bucket
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
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