I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
