I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Randomize
