I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
