This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Randomize
