It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
