i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
