like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
