guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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