Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
