he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
