I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
