i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I would ride that face into the sunset
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
