I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
