I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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