This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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