um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
