I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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