Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
