went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
