I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Randomize
