I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
