so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
