peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
