I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
is wine microwaveable?
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
