Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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