this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
