How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
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