Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Randomize
