I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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