therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
