I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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