i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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