I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
