this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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