after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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