My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
He did a backflip because drugs
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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