wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
