I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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