He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
