it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
These tits shall not be calmed
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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