So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
