Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
