Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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